It's not easy being green

I've been trying to change my environmental impact in small ways since I moved out of my parents' house. I started looking at thrift stores or getting old stuff from family first before buying new things like spatulas, kitchen towels, a microwave, a bookshelf (which I repainted and put a back on and it looks FABULOUS). I'm a big tea drinker, and it was starting to bother me how much waste I was making with my daily cup: the foil package each bag came in, the tea bag itself, the paper tab on the top, the string, the staples that held them together, not to mention the box they came in and the plastic they were wrapped in. So I switched to loose tea, and let me tell you, it's wayyyyy better. About two weeks ago, I stopped washing my hair with regular shampoo and started switching off between Dr. Bronner's 18 in 1 soap and baking soda dissolved in water, inspired by Stephanie Langfore at Keeper of the Home.

This year I moved into an apartment and didn't have anything with which to clean, so I went on the search. I thought I was doing great choosing "Green Works" dilutable cleaner and toilet bowl cleaner. Then last night on OPB I heard about a couple of websites that rate the health impact of various products including cleaners, shampoo, toothpaste, etc. I spent a horrifying night finding out that nearly all the products that I use every day are bad for me and bad for the environment. (The sites are Good Guide and Skin Deep, given, some of the ratings are vague and incomplete; they just give the Green Works cleaner a big red dot for "long term health," but it also lists all the cancer causing ingredients) It's good to be informed, and I care about things like a company's environmental practices (the PETA cruelty-free and bad company lists were my Bibles back in 8th grade when I didn't buy anything) but man, I thought I was doing something right! I should have known better than to buy a Clorox product.

I think it would be more wasteful to throw a whole bottle of cleaner, followed by a couple tubes of toothpaste and my shampoo and conditioner into the dumpster, so for now I'm just going to have to deal with using those carcinogens sparingly. I've come across some good websites that show you how to make your own cleaners with baking soda, vinegar, lemon juice, and borax, so once I have an empty bottle to use, I'll probably try that for a while. It sure beats spending $5 on cleaner when I could add a few tablespoons of baking soda (from a little baggy that cost me 38 cents) to a bottle of water (basically free). I'm doing my best. I'm learning little by little.

The end of the Trinity

My cousin married a man whose father was a Lutheran pastor. Now, Fred is a professional juggler, comedian, and all-purpose smart ass who has no problem offending people's sensibilities, and at least once in a conversation he can usually trick you into embarrassing yourself. He doesn't really hold to a particular belief, if any, but he attends church regularly for tradition's sake. I'm sure all that doesn't accurately describe my cousin's husband, but it's a start.

Anyway, today I was wearing a sweatshirt with "Trinity" printed across the front. Trinity is the name of the Baptist co-op where I lived for three years in college. Fred tried to make a wise crack about how there was no Trinity and that there was only one "Jehovah God." I said, "Well, I don't think it's true, either." He asked me "You don't believe in the Trinity?"

So there I was, asked the question that separates me from liturgical churches and most statements of faith of other churches by my joker of a cousin. And I said "No, I don't." He called me a Jehovah's Witness and went on being Fred, and I thought, "Huh, that was easy."

I wish I did, sometimes, because things like Celtic spirituality really appeal to me in their mysticism and prayers, but it's very much focused on the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I would probably become Episcopalian if you didn't have to stand up and recite the Nicene Creed every Sunday. I believe there's one God, and it's a disservice to call God "Father." I believe in the virgin birth and the crucifixion and the divine nature of Jesus' life. I can even buy into the idea of Jesus being God in human form, but if that is so, than I cannot call him the Son of God because that implies a separation. But more I believe that Jesus' life purpose wasn't to be God, it was to show people a right way to live, because there's no evidence that I've seen that implies otherwise. The resurrection gets a little wishy-washy with me, and I'm not really sure what I believe about that. I don't believe in the Spirit of God as an entity in itself. I think that God speaks to people, and there's no reason to create a whole other being to describe that.

For me, to say "I believe in the Trinity, even though I don't understand how it works" is to say that I'm willing to suspend belief for the sake of fitting in with other people. I wonder how many people do that, say "I believe in the Trinity, whatever that is." I don't think that dogmas are all that important to faith in God, which is why I wonder why churches put so much emphasis on this abstract theological thing that no one really gets rather than practical life that reflects the way that Jesus lived. I'm cool with believing unitarian.

Project 50: April

“I Sing The Body Electric” by Ray Bradbury
This is the first collection of unconnected Bradbury stories I’ve read. Reading them put me in this happy, dreamlike, “anything could happen” state. Once I started reading the title story, I recognized it as an episode of the Twilight Zone that I’d seen. I think my favorite story was the one about the men who come to visit Ireland, but the effect of the story when reading it depends on me saying no more. A

“When the Music’s Over” edited by Lewis Shiner
My coworker slipped this into my box with a “read and return” sticky note. It’s an anthology of stories against war and violence. I think the editor contacted a bunch of authors and told them the premise and let them have at it. They aren’t at all pastoral stories about a society of love and peace; some of the stories are totally terrifying, and they do contain violence, but in a way that shows how horrible and unnecessary it is. Most of the stories are futuristic or set on other planets, so the whole book has a sci-fi bent to it that I like. A

“A Wrinkle in Time” by Madeline L’Engle
I had not read this book since I was about 8 or 9 years old. I think I did a book report on it back then. I got really caught up in reading it because the heroes are genius oddballs and they go on a fantasy adventure and the language is rich and descriptive and challenging enough for an adult. Looking back on the story as a whole though, I think it was a little too simple. There’s a mystery to be solved, good fights evil, good wins within a few pages and it all gets wrapped up rather quickly, as if the author had a word count limit that she wasted back when the characters were fighting over who would go back to save Charles Wallace. I think there are more books in a series after this, so I’ll have to see if there’s more to this story. B

“The Way We Never Were” by Stephanie Coontz
One of my college roommates had to read this for a class, and one day she read some out loud to me. It sounded interesting enough, but it really wasn’t. The author sets out to prove how different actual life in a couple of “golden ages” compared to the idealized version, where mothers didn’t work, but stayed home with the children and fathers were able to support an entire suburban family. The reality was that a very small fraction of the population lined up with that model, but what I didn’t like about this book was that it was about 300 pages of statistics which only proved that some, but not all, of her students “Leave it to Beaver” dreams of the past were real. This book could be summed up with “Yes, but not as much as you’d think.” I guess it was assigned in a college class for a reason. C+

“Callahan’s Crosstime Saloon” by Spider Robinson
My coworker is getting good at lending me books I like. I would describe these stories as “Cheers, but with weird visitors.” Callahan’s is a bar where people come, Jake the narrator says, because they’ve got some kind of hurt that they need to share. These people include time travelers, immortals, alien androids programmed to destroy Earth, and the like. The regulars at Callahan’s don’t usually offer solutions, just support, a non-judgmental ear, and a toast followed by pitching one’s glass into the fireplace. Sounds pretty good. A-

Internet Free

I moved into my new home in mid-March. Internet was not provided in the rent, and I haven't set it up yet because $30 a month is a lot for one person when I may also have to pick up the full $700 rent next month. So I've been going to the library every few days to check my email, check up on the blogs I follow and hopefully catch a friend or two on AIM. Here's some of the ways that not having internet at home has changed my life.

I get a lot more done. I'm sure that I would have a lot of things still in boxes if I'd had internet when I was moving in. I spend the hours that I would have spent dicking around on the net each night READING.

I get to bed at a reasonable hour. I'm not sure if this is good or bad, because I usually stop reading around 11:00 and try to wake up at 7:30, which is probably too long to sleep, and it gets me in a bad habit.

I have to remember things. I can't just run to Wikipedia and look something up, or jump online and tell my friends about the sweet rainbow that I saw on St Patrick's Day. I also don't spend a lot of time brooding over blog topics like this one because I know that the money on my meter runs out in 15 minutes. So maybe I don't communicate with the world as much, but that's ok, because I'm not wasting time. Maybe I won't get internet at all.

Project 50: March

I'm reading a lot more now that I live in a place with no TV and no internet. It's kind of nice. I curl up in a chair around 8:00, or if it's cold I crawl into bed and read for several hours a night.

“Dune” by Frank Herbert
This is supposed to be the greatest science fiction masterpiece of all time, but honestly, I was a little bored with it. It was a little too Star Wars for me, what with its futuristic religion and prophecy about one man who would lead the desert people to victory, plus a bunch of political stuff that I really didn’t care about. I kept hoping for some great action scenes, but what I got was the semi-hero Paul getting cockier about his rightful place as the savior of the planet. I suppose that was probably a set-up for the thousand and one other Dune novels. I could take or leave this one. C+

“The Spiritual Traveler: England, Scotland, Wales” by Martin Palmer and Nigel Palmer
I keep dreaming about a time when I’ll be able to visit the homeland again, this time when I’m old enough to choose my own sights to see and appreciate it. I like this book not only because it lists a ton of sacred sites (with a whole chapter on henges) and pilgrimage routes, but for every church or holy well or shrine, the authors tell the story of the saints or historical events associated with the place. They write to an audience who would take a religious pilgrimage seriously, not just as a touristy thing to do, and are very matter-of-fact about the miracles that happened in each place. The book focuses on Christian sites, but also gives respect to pagan landmarks and the authors draw up an “interfaith pilgrimage” at the end that includes Hindu, Muslim, Buddhist and Baha’i sites. I’ll probably buy this book before I actually go to England. A+

“The Way I See It” by Temple Grandin
This book differed from others I’ve read by authors with autism in that it isn’t an autobiography, but more a book of suggestions for teaching and parenting children and adults with autism with a personal perspective. I like that she doesn’t beat around the bush about things. She’s very forward with the idea that kids with autism should be taught table manners and etiquette, not just because she thinks “kids get away with anything these days” but because as a person with autism, she would not have just “picked up” acceptable social behavior like a neurotypical child would have. She had to be repeatedly told when she was being rude to be able to generalize what rude behavior was. She’s very thorough, including topics like alternative medical treatments, sensory adjustments, relationships, and how to get and keep a job as an adult with autism or Asperger’s Syndrome. I started this book the day before I found out that my good friend’s son had been diagnosed with PDD, a pre-autism diagnosis. Even though I was only halfway through with the book, I insisted that she read it. I think it would be especially beneficial for parents with autistic children. A+

“The Rules” by Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein
When I was first introduced to this book, it was given to me in a brown paper sack. The cover features a large photo of an engagement ring, and I was told to never let anyone catch me reading it. I remember reading the first chapter and giving it back. This time, it came recommended by some progressive women, so I figured it couldn’t be as bad as it seemed at the beginning. I was wrong. One of the first pieces of advice is, roughly translated, “For God’s sake, fix yourself up a bit! Slobs don’t get married.” It goes on from there to tell readers that the way to win a man is to be manipulative and hurtful. The authors qualify themselves by saying “Yes, acting completely uninterested in the man you are dating for the first few months may confuse him, make him angry, and make him possessive, but at least he wants you and you’ll eventually get married!” To those who don’t use the Rules, they have only self-righteous pity.
Now, I can buy into playing a little hard to get. I can even buy into waiting for a man to make a date-initiating phone call more often than I would. I can understand that no challenge in a relationship makes it boring. I’ve been there, with someone who took it for granted that I would arrange my schedule around him. I’ve also been there fawning over someone who took no interest in me and didn’t have to, because I wasn’t otherwise going away. But I’ve tried these kind of rules before, and STILL ended up alone. When I found that I was making all the phone calls and stopped…the phone calls just stopped, and I found out rather quickly how I rated. Playing hard to get didn’t make the guy I fancied want me more, it just meant that I had no one to hang out with. As far as relationship advice goes, I much more recommend something like “He’s Just Not That Into You,” which gives women a little more power in deciding when he’s not worth it, rather than leaving you feeling like you’ve broken a rule that would have otherwise put a ring on your finger. D+

Sing. Sing a song.

A friend at church brought up a few weeks ago that hardly anyone ever sings with him during church. Now, we've only got 8 or 9 people at most on a Sunday, and one of those people has yet to speak her first words. But sometimes, I don't. Sometimes it's because I don't know the words. And sometimes it's because I know them far too well. I like to think that I take my poor experiences with big church and its young adult group in stride, but I never realize how much baggage I've got until those songs start playing. It's hard to describe the flood of emotions and memories of being parked in a room of people who have worked themselves into a feel-good state, and their faces are just glowing and I was on the outside of that. Even in the middle of people doing what worship is "supposed" to look like, after the first year of crushing loneliness, I couldn't tap into it anymore. I knew what I was, still a weirdo, still a tagalong. Except for the few close friends I made, I felt like I wasn't free to be myself, or even to show the pain I felt about it for fear of being dramatic.

Don't get me totally wrong; I'm a big believer in mystical worship, feeling the presence of God, and the overwhelming joy that goes along with that, and I wouldn't dare venture to say that any person in those big church worship times was just following through. But during those times, I could not speak the words of those songs and be honest. Despite living in a place called Trinity, I really don't believe in the Trinity, so singing about the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit feels like I'm lying.

But there are songs that break through that shell. Songs of honest sorrw and the hope of repair, songs where I can admit my faults and brokenness as a messed up human being are freeing to me.

On Doctor Who, the Doctor and Donna encounter the Ood, a race that's been enslaved and had their external brains, which allow them to communicate telepathically, connect with emotions, and SING, they have that cut off and replaced with a translator that gives them a pleasant and compliant voice until they plan their revolt. They can't even express their feelings about being slaves. In a holding cell, they find "unprocessed" Ood who still have their secondary brains. The Doctor can hear their painful, sorrowful song of slavery, but Donna can't until he opens her mind. When she hears it, she's so overwhelmed by the sadness that she asks him to take it away.

I identify with those kind of songs. I've never been a slave, but I love the honesty and hope of songs that throwback to the Israelites in Egypt or in the desert. At the end of that episode, the Ood give the Doctor and Donna their song to take with them, this time a song of freedom and the triumph of good. It has no words, but to me, it's a song that lifts my heart in hope like those church songs do for other people. It brings be tears of joy.

And sometimes it's not even that I've got baggage connected with a song, but I feel more like contemplating the words that day. I did spend a significant amount of time with some Quakers, you know.

I like singing. I wish I was better at it, but I'm mostly stuck with singing in the car or doing karaoke. I just hold my God-related song life close to my chest.

Project 50: January/February

I got behind on writing reviews right after I'd read the book, so I don't think these are my best. I'm hoping that moving into my new apartment with no cable will increase my reading time.

January

“Cosmos” by Carl Sagan
I just devoured the first half of this book. Sagan digs deep back into the history of science and pulls out all these fascinating events that brought humankind to its current knowledge of outer space. He takes breaks from the hard history and science to gush poetic admiration and wonder about the universe. And this book was written in 1985, just as the Space Shuttle Program was getting started. Nothing stood out to me as dated because c’mon, I’m not Carl Sagan, but imagine everything that we’ve learned in the twenty-some years about “out there” that he never knew. I’ll admit though, the book was pretty long, and with really tiny type, so I kind of wanted it to end sooner, but if you’re interested in space and have the stamina for a lot of science talk, I really recommend it. A

“A Series of Unfortunate Events: A Bad Beginning” by Lemony
Snickett
Lemony Snickett warns you to put down the book, then launches into a small segment in the lives of three unfortunate siblings. He does it so well, though! I especially like how he stops every page or so and defines a word that one of the characters has used. I think it would be a great way to expand kids’ vocabularies. And to crush their souls until there’s no hope, but eh, what are you going to do? I also want to read a bunch of these because they're short and will get me to 50 books. I'm a cheater. A-

“Riding Rockets: The Outrageous Tales of a Space Shuttle
Astronaut” by Astronaut Mike Mullane
This is by far one of the best books that I’ve ever read. Mike Mullane was part of the first astronaut class of the Space Shuttle program. His story of NASA behind the scenes is hilarious and irreverent, starting with his determination to have the cleanest colon in his selection group, followed by adventures in peeing in radiators and admissions of guilt for being a sexist pig. It had me in
stitches, but also in tears, because Mullane’s friend and crewmate Judy Resnik
died in the Challenger disaster. I understood his drive to get into space at any cost, and appreciated that he saluted his poor wife’s absolute terror every time she had to go to the roof for a launch. He identified a lot of problems with the NASA administration that led to Shuttle accidents and a Survivor-esque workplace, and I felt the frustration with him. The book was 400 pages, and I was glad, because I didn’t want it to stop. Seriously, read it now! A+

“Doctor Who: Dreams of Empire” by Justin Richards
This book features the second doctor, who isn’t quite as wacky as the fourth, but he has his moments, like when he tries to cover up a security camera by climbing a wall and leaping into space to throw a handkerchief over it. The novel centers
around politics on a prison asteroid, chess, and a little bit of drawn out action with robots, so take that for what you will. There’s a twist at the end, but it kind of falls flat and I feel like I should have seen it coming anyways. B-

.. ......

February

“The Stargazing Year” by Charles Laird Calia
When a man who had grown up an amateur astronomer rediscovers his love for the stars his pocketbook and wife’s sanity suffer. That’s the basic message of this book, written month by month as Calia starts to build his own backyard
observatory. Given, there’s a nice bit of history around the production of telescopes through the ages, but I kind of felt like the author was trying to build himself up as an eccentric backyard astronomer in the company of people who had discovered comets and planets and stuff. B

“A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room” by Lemony
Snickett
Poor Uncle Monty! When you know that bad things are going to happen from the beginning of the book, and the author keeps telling you to give up hope, it’s kind of predictable. I can see where these books are headed, and I’m starting to wonder just how much a person can do variations on a theme of doom and gloom. There’s 13 of these absurdly curmudgeonly books to get through! Again, I liked it for what it was, and it kept me smirking. A-

“A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Wide Window” by Lemony
SnickettI liked this one a little less than the one before for its drawn out detective work. The Baudelaires are supposed to get the clues right away, but there’s a lot of them sitting around and pondering how to point the finger at Count Olaf and be heard. Poor kids. B