The Threat of Obligation

I like to volunteer. I've been doing it since high school, when I far surpassed the "service learning hours" required for graduation. I used to volunteer at Hosea Youth Services giving sewing lessons to any of the street kids who wanted them. I volunteered as a "tutor" at Nuestro Lugar Teen Center which mostly meant hanging around with teens and shooting the breeze, playing Clue and learning to juggle. I sometimes would come to the youth group organized by my church leaders to help out. I'm learning to run the planetarium at the Science Factory so I can be a volunteer presenting planetarium shows.

But this weird thing happens when I sign up for something. I get exhausted. The stress of something on my schedule makes my neck and shoulders hurt so bad that all I want to do is lay in bed and act selfish. There are tons of people who work through pain and serve themselves to the limit and they love it, but I just get cranky. Also, things that I want to do for fun always seem to pop up on the days that I've got to do volunteer work, so then I'm cranky because I wanted to go have fun.

Maybe there's really something up with my body that needs rest, but I'd like to work on my motivations. I'm passionate about all these different things, but I can't expect all my wishing to fix them. I also can't expect to fix them all myself. "Obligation" is this dirty word that makes me bitter; so is "commitment". I don't equate relentless volunteerism with being amazing, more like a responsibility because I've got it so good and there's so much work to be done that I can't bear not to be a part of a solution. I don't really care about being amazing. So what is it about my optimism that turns sour once I sign my name to the clipboard? There's no epiphany here. Just the tension of 24 hours in a day.

Project 50: August

If I spent as much time reading as I did Harry Potter on a regular basis (does that sentence even make sense?) I'd be reading many more books per month. Novels are good stuff.

“Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets” by J.K. Rowling
This book had the same kind of plotline as the first in that the three main characters had to find something hidden at Hogwarts and broke all the rules to find it, but the twists and turns and reveals at the end were absolutely brilliant. I’m still trying to figure out the motivation of some of the characters, kid and teacher and this book changed my mind about some. At first I thought Draco Malfoy was a harmless snotty brat, but now I think he’s going to be a much more serious player later on. A

“Talking with Alzheimer’s” by Claudia J. Strauss
This month has the potential to be a really depressing reading list, since I went to the library and checked out a metric ton of books about Alzheimer’s Disease and dementia, and a couple on grief for good measure. My grandpa has been diagnosed with dementia, and I wanted to read up on what to do when he starts forgetting my name and things. This book is short and simple. It offers phrases and techniques to use when talking with someone with Alzheimer’s, for example, asking “yes or no” questions instead of open ended ones like “What would you like to eat?” and leading conversations in a way that won’t frighten or confuse them if their reality tells them that they need to pick up their kids from kindergarten or be picked up by their parents. The book is written mostly to “visitors” who come to see people in homes without family, so some things didn’t apply to people who have known their loved ones for a long time, but I still think it will be useful. A-

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
I really want Snape to be not such a bad guy. Or at least I’d like it to be a little less obvious. I’d seen the movie for this book, so there wasn’t a lot to surprise me, but I’d forgotten about the dementors, which are a pretty cool beast when you think about it, if what they did wasn’t so awful. They guard the wizard prison and suck the happiness out of your soul. Heavy. This book tells a little more about Harry’s dad, since all of the new characters were friends of his.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling
When my grandma’s eyes bugged out at the size of the book I was carrying, she asked how many pages it was. It’s over 700 pages, but there’s never a dull moment. I appreciate the way that Rowling doesn’t go off on unrelated tangents. This one was a kind of cute because all the little wizards have crushes on each other. There was another twist at the end that I totally wasn’t expecting, although one secret had a kind of lame reveal. This book also started differently than the others, not with Harry, but with a foreshadowing scene of Voldemort. I thought it was kind of inconsistent for the characters in this book to refer to Peter Pettigrew by his nickname throughout, when no one really had in the previous book. Minus for those sticking points. A-

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling
The danger really ramps up in this one. How do I write these now without giving away any spoilers? I will say that Dolores Umbridge, the Ministry of Magic approved Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is COMPLETELY insufferable. The Ministry of Magic is trying to discredit Harry, Dumbledore, and anyone else who tries to talk about Voldemort, and every move that Umbridge makes is to that end. But she does it in such a crafted, bureaucratic way…I definitely felt the frustration that I was supposed to get from the story. The saga of young wizards in love also continues…I don’t know why Ron and Hermione don’t just get it over with and stop arguing like an old married couple. A

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling
Even though a major part of this book involved Dumbledore giving Harry lots of information about the task they were about to carry out, I can’t help but think that he’s hiding a lot more than he’s telling. I still want him to be merry old Dumbledore, who just looks out for Harry, but he’s creating an awful lot of mystery and not answering any of Harry’s questions. Ooh, tension. I felt like the “Half-Blood Prince” twist at the end was kind of unbelievable, though. I have a feeling that the “big spoiler” is not the last we’ve heard of that. A-

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
Honestly, I was kind of bored with most of this book. Watching Harry and Ron and Hermione running and hiding from Death Eaters and arguing with each other for three-quarters of the book is not really my idea of an engaging story. Too much use of Invisibility Cloak, I say. That said, I did cry a little, when the “ghosts” of Harry’s loved ones showed up to help him. I don’t know how I feel about the whole truth about Snape…I still wish he had been a little nobler. The rest’s all spoilers, so you’ll just have to read it yourself. B+

“When A Family Member Has Dementia: Steps to Becoming a Resilient Caregiver” by Susan M. McCurry
I think this book was written by a counselor who works with families in which someone has dementia or Alzheimer’s. It contains a couple of acronyms with steps to dealing with a loved one’s condition in a way that keeps you sane and respects his or her dignity. I thought the acronyms were a little unnecessary, and the one titled “POLITE” was a little absurd in that it had little to do with being polite. Along with helpful tips, the author includes anecdotes about families that she has encountered that put them into practice. It’s going to take some creative thinking to make life livable as my grandpa progresses, and it helps to see other families doing the same thing. B

WTFWJD?

(I saw the title of this post on a bumper sticker this week. I kind of want one.)

As you’ll have read from my last post, I just started reading the Harry Potter books. Now plowing my way through the fifth book, I’m getting around to that blog post I promised on why a (practically) grown woman is reading the series for the first time. I also figured out how to read and knit at the same time. Hardbound books may be cumbersome in a knitting bag, but they stay open better than paperbacks.

When the Harry Potter books started coming out, I was a teenager, just starting to get really serious about being a Christian. I think somewhere before then, I’d given my “testimony” which involved turning from a wanna-be witch into a God-following Christian. As 10 and 11 year olds, my best friend and I had made up a book of curses and spells to put on people that treated us like weirdos (believe me, it didn’t help). I read all the books that The Dalles Library had on witchcraft, mostly juvenile fiction ones that involved wanna-be witches like myself. And I continued to do this until a Christian friend told me “You know that’s against God, right?” So I “put the darkness behind me” and got rid of my stuff.

Enter J.K. Rowling. My school librarian was really excited about Harry Potter because kids were actually reading them. But Jesus told me not to. “That’s not stuff to mess around with!” I insisted. I steered clear of the books because people told me that the author used verses from the Satanic Bible in the spells. I was terrified that I would be led into temptation and want to be a witch again.
After a while, I stopped caring so much about the peril of my soul and just never bothered to read them. I learned to be terrified of other things, like someone from my Christian co-op seeing me linger too long at the Pride Day celebration and asking me to leave the house. Because, you know, Jesus says no.

It’s only recently that I started to laugh at all I bought into because other people said that Jesus said things were bad. I missed out on all the great Harry Potter parties at bookstores! I missed out on all the drag shows! I started reading “Dungeons and Dragons for Dummies” and bemoaned all the fun and imagination I could have maintained in high school if I hadn’t been scared away from “evil” things like D&D. I started doing yoga, which was amazing and relaxing. And I found that Harry Potter books are very moral. There’s good, and there’s bad, and it’s clear that you want to be on the good side. And you know what? Jesus doesn’t seem to care.

Project 50: July (in which Hannah reads Harry Potter for the first time!)

“Born on a Blue Day” by David Tammet
David Tammet is a man with Asperger’s and Savant Syndromes with a thing for numbers and languages. I don’t have such a thing for numbers or languages, which is why I’m glad that Tammet uses this book to really give a picture of the way he experiences and processes the information that makes it possible for him to access it, like memorizing pi to 20,000 some places by visualizing a picture of waves and colors. There are pictures in the book that help. I think that this book more than others I’ve read by people on the autism spectrum helped me understand the way he experiences the world. He sometimes jumps around to what seem like completely unrelated topics, which gets confusing, but I do the same thing when I’m talking, so there you go. A-

“The Anglo Files” by Sarah Lyall
Even though this book was funny, it was kind of a downer. Sarah Lyall is an American reporter who married a British man and moved to London, and maybe in a moment of homesickness she set out to expose all that is wrong with the British with a few quaint things thrown in. Her chapter on the misinformed and stunted sexuality of British men and women her own age and older is kind of frightening to me, because I prefer the way we mostly have information out in the open in the US. The caveman sexuality and immaturity of British Parliament doesn’t make me fall in love either. I think she spends a little too much time digging back in time to find examples of British people behaving badly to prove her point, but I think that comes with her being a reporter. B+

“Cuckoo” by Madison Clell
This is the graphic novel autobiography of a woman with disassociative identity disorder, formerly known as multiple personalities. Madison had been sexually abused by various people in her youth, and to escape the mental, she would disassociate and “create” another person who would take her place during the abuse. When she became an adult, these “alters” started to pop to the surface because of flashbacks. I think that the graphic novel format of the book really works for her story, because the facial expressions, depictions of her alters, changes in font give the feel of what happened much more than a square paragraph would be able to communicate. A

“The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul” by Douglas Adams
This story starts off pretty good, but after a while, I was wondering why I was continuing to read it, because it really wasn’t all that interesting. Sure there were a couple of gods bouncing around and making mischief, but I’m not really sure what the point was. Everything got wrapped up at the end, but I couldn’t tell you exactly how it ended, because it was that forgettable. C’mon Douglas Adams, I know you can do better! C+

“Tunnel Vision” by Keith Lowe
I think that this book could be made into a pretty good movie, maybe a romantic comedy or something. It has all the makings: weird friend, cranky fiance who doesn’t like weird friend, man who makes stupid bet with weird friend while drunk. The bet happens to be that Andy, who is obsessed with the London Underground, must make it to every stop on the tube in one day. The day is the one before his wedding, and he bets the train ticket that would take him to his wedding in Paris. It’s a pretty intense day, with heart stopping delays and suspicion of fellow passengers who could be spies. I enjoyed the whole thing, except how much Andy’s fiancé hated the London Underground. That was a little bit too fierce for me to be convinced that she actually wanted to marry him. A

“Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” by J.K. Rowling
I’m cooking up a good blog post in my head about why I haven’t read Harry Potter until now. But I’m really kicking myself for not reading it earlier, because I could have gotten in on some KILLER parties. I’ve never heard of any other fans getting dressed up and going to a BOOKSTORE for a midnight party. I think the best way that I can describe the book is “delightful.” I only give A+’s to books with amazing language, so this one was a bit too simple for that, as a kids' book, but it had a really great plot and plenty of intrigue to keep me reading. I finished it in two days. Some make-believe writers will plug in a lot of jargon that you’re supposed to figure out along the way, but since Harry had lived his life so far with no knowledge of magic, the reader learns at the same pace that he does. A

“A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Miserable Mill” by Lemony Snickett
This one was a bit more intense than the others because it involved some pretty close up mortal danger. Also, hypnotism. Fun. I thought the new vocabulary in this book was top notch and a bit more clever than in the others. B

Monkeysphere?

This is a concept that I kind of like:
http://freakrevolution.com/2009/04/07/the-monkeysphere/
by Pace at Freak Revolution (just found it today) It's about how people have more at stake when they are friends with a diverse group of people, so they tend to act more in the interests of those friends, even if they are different than themselves.

Project 50: June

I don't know how I did it, but I mowed through nine books this month!

“Green, Greener, Greenest: A Practical Guide to Making Eco-Smart Choices a Part of Your Life” by Lori Bongiorno
I found this book, printed in three shades of green ink, in the new book section at the library. It starts off with the subject of food and the importance of buying local and organic. It was all well and good, but was written in a way that made me not want to take the author seriously. “Studies show that organically grown foods have less pesticides than conventionally grown foods.” Really? And all this time I thought they just had more carbon! It does get better though, and as for the first chapter, she does make a good case for eating organic once she starts sounding like she knows what she’s talking about. Even though I thought that the shades of green were cheesy, it’s helpful to know that if I can’t put solar panels on my apartment building or compost my poop, I can make little changes for my health and the environment, and maybe I’ll get greener when I run out of this brand of toothpaste. B-

“The Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder” by Richard Louv
I definitely take issue with the sub-title of this book. That said, eh, it was ok. There’s really only so many ways you can say “It’s important for kids to play outside guys. No really. No REALLY!” The author offers nice antidotes about how some kids with ADHD felt calmer in the woods or the benefits of taking at-risk youth on Outward Bound trips. He bemoans the expansion of Scouting to include more things that are not nature related. He thinks that schools should have more “natural playtime” and that it would do more for test scores than being in class, and highlights a school that doesn’t have computers until high school age. I can see the point, but he acts like just going outside is the all-purpose cure for things. Of course in a book about returning to nature he’s not going to talk about how students who take band (and practice their instruments) do better in school, but hey, whatever your platform. It has encouraged me to make sure the student with autism that I’m watching over the summer gets out and about a lot. C+

“Just This Side of Normal” by Elizabeth King Gerlach
This is a book written by a Eugene mother of a boy with autism. I kind of needed to read it. I’ve read other books where parents have just talked about the amazing breakthroughs that they’ve had with their children, but since I’ve been watching one of my students all day for 3 days, with the whole summer ahead of us, I needed to see that someone else was encountering the same issues I am. Even though the story isn’t very uplifting, it makes me feel not so alone as a caregiver for someone with autism. It’s poorly edited though, minus for that ;) A-

“Vaginas: An Owner’s Manual” by Dr Carol Livoti and Elizabeth Topp
Ok, ok, so I picked this one out purely because of the name. I chose it from the women’s health section of the library when I was looking for information on Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It’s pretty informative, though not really for my original purpose. I think that young ladies in high school could handle it. It’s written by a gynecologist and her daughter in an easy going way that makes it clear that not much about “down there” is going to be a surprise to a doctor, although the gyno is pretty opinionated in that she thinks that women who use pads are crazy people who like to wear diapers. It’s pretty detailed about sexually transmitted diseases, which is why I think ladies should read it before they start having sex, although the tone definitely is aimed at sexually active ladies. The chapter on abortion was kind of hard to for me read because the doctor doesn’t refer to a “fetus” in describing each method, but “evacuating the contents of the uterus.” Also, the chapter on sex could have been more of a user’s guide. :-o B+

“Survivor” by Chuck Pahlniuk
I went looking for “Choke” in the library and it wasn’t there so I picked this one. A man who survives a religious cult that committed mass suicide works for a rich couple, lives alone, and puts up suicide hotline stickers with his personal phone number. Whenever anyone calls, he tells them to kill themselves. When it becomes known that he is the only living survivor of the cult, he is groomed by agents and Hollywood types into a kind of Jesus Christ Superstar so they can make money off of his books and products. If anyone knew that his brother also survived and was murdering other survivors, his life of fame could be shot. As intriguing as the plot sounds, I wasn’t all that impressed with the book. I don’t feel like I gained much from it, and it wasn’t all that artful. Take it or leave it. C

“Imagined London” by Anna Quindlen
Quindlen was probably like me and read books that were pretty advanced for her age. I didn’t read Dickens as a 12-year old. This is a short book about the author’s own tour through London to discover the corners and addresses of her literary upbringing. It’s good in a confirming sense, that literature can take you to a foreign place when you can’t go there yourself, but there isn’t too much substance or fact, just one author’s experience with the literary vs. real London. B-

“The Handmaid’s Tale” by Margaret Atwood
I had heard good things about this, so when I saw it on the “Staff Picks” at the library, I grabbed it. But I was pretty disappointed with it. It’s supposed to be set in present times, but as if something had gone horribly wrong after the sexual revolution and within a few years the government instituted laws which legislated morality and took away women’s value except for their ability to have children. The main character had once had a husband and child, until they were chased down and she was forced to be a Handmaid, a surrogate who would have children in place of a man’s wife. It ends up being bizarre and just too unbelievable to have happened in such a short period of time. If it had been the far future, maybe I would have bought into it. The back of the book compared it to 1984, but 1984 it was not. C+

“A Passage to India” by E.M. Forster
This had been on my list of books to read for a long time. It started off good, with British and Indian characters that represented a variety of opinions on the British occupation, but then it kind of dissolved into a bunch of finger pointing and shame that I didn’t want to keep reading. I wasn’t even sure where the book was going at the end of it. I wonder if Kipling has anything better. C+

“Inside the TARDIS: The Worlds of Doctor Who: A Cultural History” by James Chapman
First off, I was thoroughly crushed that this book had no pictures. Other than that, it was a good resource for a Doctor Who fan who didn’t grow up in the 60’s in the UK, because the author went through each Doctor in chronological order, highlighting his personality with an especially meaningful episode. The author also brought in cultural information about how Doctor Who reflected and affected British culture at the time. For someone who had seen all of those episodes, it could get pretty boring, but I’ve only seen the first of the classic series. B

Project 50: May

“A Wind in the Door” by Madeline L’Engle
This is the second in the series after “A Wrinkle in Time.” Charles Wallace is ill because something is attacking his mitochondria, or the critters that give the mitochondria energy, which Mrs. Murry just happens to have discovered. What’s attacking them? Oh, the Devil. The story itself was a little too overtly religious for me, just with different names for the Devil and temptation and hell. Again, the action was not very action-y. Several pages of “You can do it! Come on, fight it!” “Oh, no I can’t!” “Yes, you can!” “No, I can’t!” “Well then someone has to!” Then it got near the end of the book and everything wrapped up quickly and they were all back in Kansas again. I was expecting a slightly different formula from the last book. C

“Douglas Adams’ Starship Titanic” by Terry Jones
Douglas Adams came up with a great computer game, and since it was Douglas Adams, the producers of the computer game thought that there should also be a novel to be released at the same time. Douglas Adams didn’t want to do it himself, so he enlisted the help of Monty Python’s Terry Jones, who agreed on the terms that he could write the book in the nude. It was funny enough, but I don’t think it does justice to Douglas Adams. My biggest issue was this sexual side story in which one of the women threw herself on an alien she’d just met in a moment of peril and they spend the rest of the story finding ways to add more gratuitous sex scenes to the book. Now, in Monty Python style, Jones does a self-referential bit that acknowledges the previous smutty chapter, but still, it’s rather distracting. B-

“Callahan’s Secret” by Spider Robinson
Spider Robinson insists that he did not write a trilogy. This was just his third and final book about Callahan’s Place. I didn’t read the middle book, but I don’t feel like I missed out on anything. This was less of a collection of short stories and more a whole novel of how a bar full of weirdo drunks saved the world. It’s intense and heroic and ends just the way it should. A-

“Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” by Jonathan Safran Foer
Like “Everything Is Illuminated,” this book goes back and forth in time, between the life of Oskar Schell, a nine year old boy whose father died in the September 11th World Trade Center attacks, and the lives of his grandparents, who had separated when she became pregnant with Oskar’s father. Oskar finds a key labeled “Black” in his father’s things a year after his death and sets to scouring the entirety of New York City to find the lock that it opens, and hopefully someone who knows something about his dad. I like this story because Oskar is such an oddball little kid, with hobbies like learning French and writing letters to famous researchers asking if they need an assistant, and who personally sends a cabbie his fare when he doesn’t have the money to pay it. Foer’s writing style is such that every little action, like writing down a name, seems magical and important to record. A+